I think the only kind of love that lasts is when both people make a choice to love each other every single day for the remainder of their lives.
This isn't to say they'll be agreeable with each other, that they'll not notice and admire other people, that they'll not fall out of the feelings of "love/lust".
It just means, despite what happened in the past, in my mind a day ago, a month ago, or even years ago, I wake up and choose to love the person today. Not for their past, or future, just today.
That promise, that every morning I will choose to love you anew for that day, that promise if sacrosanct, is I believe the core essence of long lasting love. Imagine being so NOT fickle, so reliable, so dependable, so sure, so stubborn, so disciplined to make that choice. Not one, but two people! Every single day. For life!
While I love to love a LOT.... ( I love people, so it's really easy for me to love anyone <3. One of my exes had asked me, "How is your love for me any different than your love for your friends?
You're the same with everyone. You share your life and mind and emotions and thoughts and beliefs. You don’t really keep secrets. You do the same activities with anyone you want to. You share physical spaces with guys and girls alike (It was normal in our university to hang out together), not differentiating between them. You don't even think of them differently"
He'd been thinking about it and been very confused for a while. I'd been thrown by that question and I knew he was right. Except for the physical nature of my relationship, I was/am the same with everyone.
I think I didn't know the answer then, that I had chosen to romantically love him and not anyone else. That a large part of my mind and heart were occupied by him and I felt everything so deeply. That my highest time and effort was given to him, even over myself. Everyone else came after that, including my work. And I'd never questioned that choice)....
It's not been easy. I have hurt and got hurt in it. I have crossed boundaries and mine have been crossed too. I've grieved, suffered needlessly. I've felt lows so deeply, as deep as my highs.
I do differentiate between men and women. He meant it spiritually :p
And reader, I do keep secrets, so deep within me. I don’t wish to bleed from the depth of them, from their pain, shame, loneliness. A few people in my life are privy to some of them
I believe conditional love is mostly what I've known, the way I've loved and the love I've experienced all my life in relationships. (You guessed that right, learnt a bit of that from dad dearest.) Conditions laid out by me or the other party. Conditions of trust, communication, behaviour expectations. Even then, love is tough to last for years. The longest relationship I was in was 6 years, but it didn't last.
Only loves that come close to unconditional love are my mother's, my sister's, my grandparents' and a few of my close friends (Shoutout). My love towards strangers, colleagues and friends falls in that category too. I just love them, and wish the best for them, no matter who they are, what they do, how they behave. It's easier to do that as they don't come back home with me (pun intended)
I've known one romantic love that came close to unconditional on most days. But the conditions that were broken were those of trust, communication. Alas.
If I was capable of unconditional love, I think all of my relationships would have lasted.
The only love that's truly unconditional is my love towards myself. I love myself daily, no matter what or who I am. It's a choice :) It's also a chore! It took me so many years of reflection and therapy to reach here.
It's not easy either. So, I wonder which one would be easier in reality. Conditional or unconditional romantic love.